Saturday, September 25, 2010

Bhaiya-ji smile please…..

Our team had our project – party yesterday and we watched ‘Dabangg’. Now, I don’t know if ‘watched’ is the correct word to be used. We saw less and commented more. The whole group of 16 people could be categorized as ‘yappy yarn-ers’, people who cant shut their traps all through the movie, a term coined by a friend. All of us, including me who was not really interested in watching the movie, in the first place, and had expected the movie to be a drag, found the movie to be one of the most comic movies we had seen.

You might have to probably watch the movie again to make note of all the hilarious scenes we found in the movie.

The movie was a brand ambassador to two things:

1. The pencil thin moustache that Salman Khan sported. This has been a much talked about look of his. Somehow, everybody, I noticed in the village of Laalgunj sported the same moustache. Maybe the village barber knew how to shape them only in one style :O Anybody wanting a mucchi like that, please go to Laalgunj’s only barber.

2. The Ray-Ban aviators. The hero, the villain, the son, the dad… everybody had them. Thankfully the heroines didn’t have them on :P

Sitting next to a person running a non-stop commentary can be so much fun. It was my lucky day.

The story is about two brothers who grow up with feelings of sibling-rivalry. The younger one is called Makkhi – kept reminding me of a fly ever time his name was mentioned. And the elder one (Salman Khan) is called Chulbul Pandey– which was just an out of character name for him.

The SK Dabangg look was much awaited when the promos had come, but I found SK to have grown a comfortable paunch rather than his fit self (except for the last fight scene) .

“Woh caller tune to forward karna…” SK doesn’t know the difference between a caller tune and a ring tone. Sallu baba, kisi ne bataya nahi aapko, caller tune bahar sunai nahi deti hai, jo sunai deti hai use ring tone kehte hain.

Dabangg Dabangg Dabangg…. (title song)

S: Lag raha hai Dabangg k meaning pe KT de raha hai.

S: Aur yeh kya hai. Apne aap ko Madhuri Dixit samajh raha hai kya? Ye step to chane-k-khet me vale gaane ka step hai.

And honestly, it did remind me of Madhuri Dixit’s dance step.

Another comical name was the villain’s name, Hol(e)y Singh, I mean Chedi Singh. Chedi Singh se mujhe yaad aaya… oh! chuck it… mein gande joke nahi sunati.

‘S’ happened to notice that we could send SK to the Olympics, he would straight-away win gold medals in long jump, shooting, javelin throw and shot-put. The action scenes in the movie defied all of Newton’s laws. And I think it’s time Rajnikanth realizes he has got competition.

Did nobody tell SK that he looks like a gorilla trying to walk broadening his shoulders, more than necessary? Mr. Gorilla walks down to the heroine, tries impressing her, and proposes her. She refuses to marry him till her father is alive. SK replies back saying, “hum babuji k parlok padharne ka intazaar karenge”, and the heroine smiles coyly. Tch tch tch… kaise din aa gaye hain…. (deliberately mis-interpreted :D)

Vicco turmeric, nahi cosmetic, vicco turmeric, ayurvedic cream. Kheel muhason ko jad se mitay, haldi aur chandan k gun isme samay, vicco turmeric ayurvedic cream.

Don’t look so confused. It’s the interval. Logon ko jo dete hain vo padhte hain. Vo bhi tune k sath. :P

Don’t ask me where our dirty minds went to when lines from the script came like: “Kuch karna hi nahi, to humka bulay hi kyun ho”… and “Istamaal hone ka invitation diya tha kya…” and when the song came… “Munni badnaam hui…”

I don’t remember the complete dialog… “Kamaal karte ho ladki k baapu….something something”. This was one of those dialogs that could give takkar to “Sunti ho munne ki mummy…..” Didn’t these people learn to talk in first person?

All throughout the movie I felt there was a missing factor, it was not a proper SK movie. And then I realized why. There was not a single bare-chested scene of his. Jitney aise scenes they voh to Sonu Sood k they.

Arey.. arey… I know picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

The last scene. SK turns breaks through the floor and comes up like he has been launched from a rocket propeller. The regular dhishum-dhishum scenes follow… and then, the clothes that I had been thinking would tear since the movie started (they were way too tight in the first place) actually tore off. Now it’s Mr. Hulk’s time to show off his body. SK fans wouldn’t have been able to peel their eyes off.

Another new way of killing somebody was discovered by the movie industry – fill a person’s lungs with carbon monoxide and you are done (shayad SK ki hi koi purani movie me maine dekha tha k they burst somebody by filling that person’s body with water through a hose pipe….eeeewww)

Like a typical Hindi movie, there had to be a happy ending to it. And so it was.

P.S : Any people planning to go for project parties, please take this as a warning and don’t go to this movie with your seniors.

Mood: crazy
Music: Udd Udd Dabangg...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Roomie woes...

Roomie woes…
Would guys rather have girls as roomies than guys?
I was having this chat with my guy friend who seems to be having a rough time with his roomie. His roomie as I deduce is in the courtship period of his relationship, which explains why the guy stays up late at night, giggling away to glory (happy and gay! Ahem!) Infact my friend is so bugged that he is seriously considering shifting his lodgings. I was counseling him, trying to give him suggestions as to how to manage with the situation, and that is where we got into discussing this:

K :Wonder why the people here are not open to guys and girls sharing apartments? What is wrong with that?
S :Ummm..because it is not very likely to stay as only an apartment sharing would eventually become a live-in relationship.
I went ahead to give him reasons as to why a girl as a room-mate wouldn’t be such a good idea. How much more would he have to put up with, if he had a girl-roomie…

- A few mood swings of hers, and you will find yourself playing agony aunt.
- You would get nagged for leaving your things lying around the house.
- You would find yourself at gun-point if you don’t leave the bathroom spotless
- She would scream if you would leave a wet towel or soiled clothes on the bed.
- The dressing table can have only her things. And you cant touch any of them without permission. Not even her comb.
- You cannot leave smelly socks in the shoes. (reminds me of a friend who used to store his used socks of the week in the iron safe provided by Infy, at mys.)
- Most importantly, you will lose the freedom of walking around in your underwear :P

He said he would gladly agree to all of the above. This surprised me, because I don’t think its all that easy to stay with a girl. What I am trying to say here is that, that every girl has a different disciplinary book and she follows it very religiously. And sometimes two girls cannot get along together just because they follow the same rules. And that is why a girl, if given a choice, would probably prefer to stay alone, rather than sharing a room.
Some girls are like me, paranoid about having a clean bathroom. Back in Mysore, I would always be the first one to get ready, even if that meant having to wake up at 5 in the morning, when it was my roomie who had the test, not me. But I could never get myself to use the bath after she had. I would have nightmares about it and wake up before she did.
Some can just not see anything out of place. They have this OCD of arranging and re-arranging things in their right places.
And with the kind of messy packages that guys make, I don’t think a girl would want to share a room with them. When our postings were due, my cousin used to keep telling me to try and get posted in Bangalore, so that we could stay together and I could cook for him. I used to dread that. I remember praying hard, not to be put up there. No, I don’t dread the cooking. What I dreaded was the number of hours that I would spend cleaning. Phew!
Anyways, I went ahead and took a poll after this discussion and
guys said:

Reasons why a guy would like to have a girl as a flat-mate (excluding the sexual possibilities, that is)?

- A clean house
- Food cooked at home
- The discipline that comes as a package with them (even though sometimes it is as strict as Hitler!)
- The emotional support that they can give when you are feeling low.

Though another friend’s probability calculation says

- 75% chances are that the relationship would not stop at just friends. Quite likely to get married!
- 80-85% chances that you would have atleast had a casual fling, which is more likely to arise when a girl goes into her emotionally unstable state.

And then I asked the girls:

- Girls make great buddies when it comes to hearing out your woes.
- They care for you and nurse you back to health when you are not well.
- They make good counselors for your relationships (gfs/bfs/parents/siblings… whichever)
- They will actually help you out with the chores around the house. And sometimes even do your bit.

Nobody seems to want guys as roomies, not girls, not guys…. Ladke sudhar jao :P

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Letting the cat out of the bag….

8: 43 – enter office gates
8: 55 – enter door with the ‘ladies’ signboard on it
9:00 – exit door

Every morning, before coming to my cubicle I take a detour to the ladies room. It’s routine.

There is this girl who is on the same floor as me…. poker straight hair, dusky complexion… a regular occupant, I have noticed. On a particular Bad-Hair-Day (mine, not hers, when it took me 10 mins to tame my wild tresses) I had noticed that she combed her hair for 8 mins by my watch. That’s pretty long for someone who could walk out of bed and come to office, without anybody having noticed a single hair out of place.

I call her the fashion queen of my floor. Just goes an extra step towards looking like the most artificial girl ever made. My judgment is that she spends more time in front of the mirror in the washroom than at her desk. How else is it possible for me to find her in there every time I escape to it?

I was watching her as I underwent the ordeal of tying up my hair neatly….

- Out came a bottle of some kind of a cream from her bag
- Then came out another one of it, a different brand though. I could tell that much from the bottles.
- And then she mixed them both n rubbed it into her skin making circles with her fingers…. my mental clock says, for 3 whole mins. Blink. Blink. I don’t see any difference in your skin. I was almost expecting it to change colour, like they show in the fairness cream ads.
- Dab. Dab. Dab. She dabbed a thin film of what I think is called a compact. (the powdery substance)

2 turns of my rubber-band and I am done. In goes the comb. I close my bag and am ready to escape the smell of her room-freshener. Oops! Perfume I mean.

Alas! My grand escape was foiled. I was in the washroom as quickly as I had left it. I managed to have a head-on collision with someone and now my shirt was soaking wet with coffee…. Eeeuuugghh!!

Dab. Dab. Dab. No… this time it was me…. Trying to wipe the coffee off my shirt with a tissue.

I notice, the damsel is still there, carefully penciling her black eyebrows with a brown pencil. My mind is running a constant commentary of her actions.

- Now, the brown pencil has been replaced with a maroon one. And she is outlining her lips with it.
- There she is, filling in the outlined lips with lip gloss / lip stick / lip balm… I cannot tell the difference.
She reminds me of how I used to colour up my drawings as a kid. What does she think she is? A colouring book?
- There is it, the kajal stick…. Phew! I recognized this one atleast. I was beginning to feel dumb, you know.
She is still digging in her magic bag of cosmetics when I am ready to leave the washroom.

I give her a last look as my mind screams - Freak. I find I have a spring in my step as I notice the dark clouds gathering, hoping it would rain all day or someone would pour a bucket on her and put those 20+ minutes of hard work down the drain…….. (evil grin)

Mood : devilish
Song : u belong with me (she wears high heels, I wear sneakers….) – taylor swift

The art of subtly staring....

Ever heard of the art of subtly staring??

I bet everyone at some point of time has stared at someone or the other, be it because the person looks like he/she just fell into the GAP (pun intended) or because the person in question looks ravishing. Reason being what-so-ever, I am sure you have had the sense to not ogle oh-so-openly at the person.

How many times have you and your friends sniggered and rolled your eyes in the direction of the guy who came dressed like a clown, or wore a green shirt and a pink tie to go with it (and that my dears, is not a fictitious combination. it’s for real, is what my trusted sources tell me). How about counting the number of times you just couldn’t peel your eyes off the pretty lady in a sari or the hot chick in a mini-skirt with those never ending legs?

The question in question is that did you do all of the above right in face of the person or had enough brains to do it behind their back? Did you let your eyes pop out like someone was strangling you or did you just pretend to glance casually?

If the answer is yes, then, why does my office seem to be filled with mundanely illiterate people (AOM*) who never learnt the art of subtly staring? I was wearing a skirt yesterday, which was a good 2" below my knees. And like all other people here who are freshly out of the training, stuck to the dress code rigidly which says - "stockings to be preferably worn with skirts". Did I do something wrong?

Thanks to all the people of the above mentioned category, I wasn’t able to step out of my cubicle all day without feeling conscious. You made me feel like a specimen under the microscope lens, looking so pointedly at my stocking clad feet. Have you never seen a girl before?? Or is that you don't know what stockings are?

For the guys - next time you decide to ogle at a girl, do it with more chivalry. staring with your eyes resembling a toad's is not classy. No girl likes being looked at like a piece of meat being eyed by a wolf.

For the girls who thought that my legs were fairer than the rest of my skin, I would like to bring to your kind notice, the existence of stockings. Please do not be so open about wishing to have legs like mine; else I will have to start carrying a board saying "I am straight!!” (rolling eyes)

And not to forget, special thanks to my cubicle mate Mr. B who did not make me feel even a wee bit uncomfortable inside the homeliness of my cubicle or even outside it for that matter.

AOM - All Offense Meant :x

I am royally pissed.......